~Lissa's Journal~

Barack Obama is going to be our next President!!  I'm so happy.  I can honestly say that I have never been more proud to be an American than I am right now.  Yes the country is a mess, the economy sucks and trying to make a living is never easy, but it's even harder right now.  But what we as American's did last night proves that we can overcome adversity.  We chose to take a gigantic leap forward and we elected our first African American President.  We elected a man who did what I have never seen anyone else running for President do....he united a country.  He went where so many believed he couldn't.  He didn't buy into the Red State/Blue State bull so many others have before him.  He took Virginia, a Republican state for the last 44 years.  He recieved nearly 35% of the vote in UTAH which is like as Republican of a state as you can get.  He won two counties in Utah.  John Kerry didn't even win one county four years ago.  Young Americans came out like we have never done before to make our voices heard, and they were heard loud and clear.  When Obama made his acceptance speech last night, my eyes filled with tears, tears of happiness.  I'm once again optomistic that things will change and our country, our planet can recover from the mess the last 8 years has left us in.  I honestly don't remember in my lifetime a time when people ran out into the streets and cried and danced and hugged complete strangers simply because of who was elected President.  World leaders from so many foreign countries expressed congratulations and well wishes the way they did.  It's a new day, and it's time for change, and it's time for us to stop being Republicans or Democrats and just be Americans and fight to make our world a better place, if not just for us, for our children and their children!!!

IT IS OFFICIAL!!!  BRANDEN IS A GIRLY MAN, HE IS ADDICTED TO GREY'S ANATOMY!!  AND HE SERIOUSLY JUST SAID, AND I QUOTE:  

TonTo says (11:03 PM):
OMFG she told him she loved him!!!!!

LMFAO, JUST MADE MY NIGHT TOTALLY!!!

<sup>So where do I even begin.  When Branden and I broke up, I honestly didn't believe I would ever have the courage or the strength to be with anyone ever again.  I truely believed Branden and I were gonna get married, were gonna have children together, but never for one minute did I believe we wouldn't be together.  I look at it now, and I understand why it happened, you can't fight as much as we did and have a successful relationship, it's not possible.  But that will never change how much I loved and still do love him.  Of course, I've spent everyday since the breakup believing we would still be together one day.  But sometimes things change, and certain events happen that make us rethink our life.  Which is exactly what has happened. 

When it all happened, Errick was the last person I was expecting to come back into my life.  I mean the last time I saw him was New Years when Branden went to a New Years party with me at some friends house.  I won't deny the fact that there's always been a certain chemistry between me and Errick, but things have never exactly gone in any way to make it so we could give it a shot.  Either I'm taken or he is.  Well this time he'd been single for 13 months, not since his engagement was broke off had he wanted to be with another woman, until he signed online last week and saw me on.  From that moment on, you would think we were meant to be together.   I miss him before I even get outta the car, he misses me before I even say goodnight.  It feels odd not going to sleep with him at night.  When I looked in his eyes Friday night and saw the way he looked at me and all the things his eyes said......it was over. 

So yeah, I'm in love, and I'm happy.  I mean really truely happy.  I will never stop loving Branden.  But Errick has my heart and I trust him with it completely!</sup>

I am so incredibly happy right now, and that's a turn around because before I got home and saw certain things I felt confused and torn.  No more drama, no more jealousy, no more hurting.  It's been clear for a while she won out, but it's been something I couldn't deal with.  Well guess what, I could care less, because it's better to have loved and lost him than not loved him at all.  And there's someone who is truely and amazing person and a great friend that does love me....just me.  I'll never stop loving him, I wanted to marry him, shit I was pregnant with his child at one point and devistated we didn't have it.  But life goes on, and while she's still a part of his life, chances are I'll dwindle out of it until I'm nothing but a distant memory, but I will know that I loved him in a way she can never comprehend!

ANYWAYS OMG I'M TOTALLY GIDDY AND CAN'T SLEEP!!!  But I so can't wait to wake up in the morning because I have plans and omg my heart like jumps outta my chest when I think about em.  4 years coming and it's even more amazing than I could have ever imagined.  :-)

I will never ever again doubt that everything happens for a reason.  Just because it doesn't make sense why it's happening when it happens doesn't mean it won't eventually make sense. 

OMG, I had forgotten how amazing it feels to be happy.  I'm on what feels like the verge of being completely happy and it's an amazing feeling.  I can't really explain now, but I will soon.  Lol, I can't stop smiling which god I don't remember the last time that happened, my cheeks hurt.  I guess sometimes you have to get hurt to finally get to the point where you're happy.  Haha and who knew that being happy was what would make me tired, cuz the being depressed sure wasn't doing it.  But for the first time in weeks, I'm absolutely exhausted without needing a pill to help me.  I can even say, that this feeling, is even better than sex....haha.

Anyways I'm gonna go sleep and I can't wait for tomorrow!!  Things really aren't as bad as I thought they were, I'm a lot stronger than I let myself believe.  And the friends I thought I didn't have,  I do have, and they're there for me when I need em.  Haha I could jump up and down, but I think I'll sleep instead!!!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything! You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ANYONE?!?!?!

So ya know, it's amazing the feeling you get when it feels like things are just going absolutely wrong and something happens or someone does something for you that makes you feel like things will be ok.  Thank you Branden, I love you, and I never knew a dozen roses could affect me and my outlook the way they have.

Ever had one of those days when you're not sure whether you wanna scream at the top of your lungs and break something or bury your head in the pillows and cry til you can't cry anymore???  Yeah today is SOO one of those days!

BLEH!!!  That's all I got to say!